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Enmeshment; a type of child abuse with long-term effects

By: David Glass

As you could tell by watching our Episode with Dr. Kenneth Adams, Enmeshment is a dysfunctional family dynamic that can affect children of divorced parents when one or both try to make the child become their “caregiver” in many ways—physically and emotionally.

What Does Enmeshment Look Like? It’s when…

  • The child feels responsible for the parent’s emotional well-being.
  • Boundaries between parent and child are unclear or nonexistent.
  • The child is treated more like a friend, confidant, therapist, or partner than a child.
  • Independence is viewed by the parent as disloyalty or rejection.
  • The child’s thoughts, feelings, and choices are expected to mirror those of the parent(s).

What are the Dangers for the Child: They are…

· Loss of Individual Identity: Children may struggle to develop a clear sense of who they are.

· Chronic Guilt and Anxiety: The child learns that other people’s emotions are their responsibility.

· Difficulty Establishing Boundaries. Enmeshed children often grow into adults who cannot easily say "no."

· Impaired Emotional Development: Children may suppress their own feelings to manage the parent’s emotions.

· Relationship Problems in Adulthood: Adult relationships may become overly dependent, controlling, or codependent.

· Reduced Independence and Confidence: Decision-making can become difficult because the person seeks constant approval.

· Parentification: The child may take on adult emotional responsibilities before they are developmentally ready.

· Increased Risk of Depression and Burnout: Constant emotional caretaking can be draining.

· Impact on Family Dynamics: Healthy disagreement becomes difficult because differing opinions are seen as betrayal.Family loyalty may be prioritized over personal growth.

Key Message:

A close parent-child relationship is healthy and beneficial. The problem arises when closeness replaces boundaries and the child becomes responsible for meeting the parent's emotional needs. Healthy families balance connection with independence, allowing children to develop their own identities while remaining emotionally connected to their parents.